It may be an awesome salad, but it's a salad. Or a burger. Or insert some regular food here. We all eat. We have to or we die. But some of you are killing me over here. There's no need to document your lunch.
Now if it's your birthday and you want to pose with your cake, do it! If you just grilled out for the first time and you pose with those steaks in hand and wearing that Kiss The Cook apron, don't let me stop you. Even if you want to post a picture of that awful looking soup (that may taste great, but looks like it should be flushed down a toilet) along with the recipe, I'm ok with that. At least I can try to figure out what part of the cooking process went wrong. But for everything else, just put it where it belongs: in your mouth. Not on twitter.
And the same with the gym. You're at the gym! YAY!! Let me pick up a baton and lead the marching band right into your Zumba class. Why? Because you are awesome! On second thought, if you're at the gym, how about just working out? I don't really need to be advised on your spandex clad where-a-bouts.
Because the truth is: Nobody really cares.
Now let me pause for a moment, because I know what you're thinking: "Laura, that's pretty hypocritical of you to say. After all, you're writing all these blogs. You could say the same thing: Nobody really cares."
See, I'm one step ahead of ya. And the truth is, you'd be right. And I totally realize that. And maybe you realize that with your constant check-ins on foursquare, too. But we do it anyway. However, the difference is, you're here right now reading this by choice. So you might just care a little bit.
Or, you might be here for a different reason....
*You're one of the chosen few that I've asked to browse through and make sure I didn't have a monumental spelling error. You're here because you feel an obligation to me to make sure I don't appear as blonde as a I am. You're probably related or a really good friend. So for that, I do care. And thank you.
*You don't like me and you're coming here to fulfill some weird thing you have going on where you like to point out all the things that you dislike about me. Like my terrible font, my ugly page layout, and how stupid I look sitting here typing this in holey sweatpants that I've had since high school. Ok, I know you really don't know what I'm wearing, but if it makes you smile wickedly, imagine something horrid-- and yellow! But I would never wear yellow. It'd be something tacky and pink. And 99% of the time, you'd be spot on. But let's get back to the point. Please, if you find a typo: Let me know. I know you will take great pleasure pointing it out. So I guess, you really do care, too.
*You're really picking up what I'm laying down with this whole blog thing. Thanks. I hope you'll comment below. And tune into my show some morning. We should grab a coffee sometime and actually just drink it without snapping a pic of it. Whoa! I'll pause a minute in case we have some minds that just exploded. Yes, it is possible. I'm only telling ya this because I do care.
*You've stumbled onto this page by sheer chance (or sheer luck as I would like to imagine). Maybe you're waiting for your lab results at the doctor's office. Maybe you're at work and just trying to look busy. Hey, whatever the reason, I'm really glad you're here! Maybe you're on your first date right now and you're thinking about snapping a picture of your appetizer and posting it on facebook with the caption "This is the first appetizer I shared with my future husband!"
For one, put your dang phone away and enjoy his company. For two, you're gonna have him running for the nearest taxi, crazy lady!! Nobody needs to be discussing wedding bells on the first date. (That's a whole new topic for a whole new blog. Stay tuned.) And for three, go back and read the first line of this post....
Here, I'll save you the scrolling up because you need to get back to your date:
Please stop posting pictures of your food. Nobody really cares.