I'm talking about weddings. Hands down, Ohio beats Wisconsin.
While Wisconsin knows how to throw a party, they may want to take a page from Ohio's playbook when it comes to throwing an award winning wedding reception: OPEN BAR.
All the drinks are free, flowing, and complimentary at Ohio's wedding receptions from start to finish.
Jello shots? Check.
Wine, beer, and mixers? Check.
Fireball whiskey? Oh dear god. I had a surprise niece born nine months after that wedding!
I could go on, but I think you get the point. From pop to punch to patron, Ohio guests aren't paying for their potables.
I experienced a little bit of culture shock when I attended my first wedding here in Wisconsin. I walked up to the bar, ordered my drink, and almost stiffed the bartender. I thought he was kidding when he said, "That'll be $4.00, please."
I gave him the old 'Are-You-Pulling-My-Pantyhose-Clad-Leg?' look. But I quickly realized they weren't trying to be funny. Dinner may be on the house, but bring along your purse if you want to partake in a cocktail.
Hmmm. So if we are awarding points: that's a touchdown for Ohio.
The Cookie Table
The. Cookie. Table. You haven't lived until you've sunk your chompers into the scrumptious morsels that comprise a cookie table at an Ohio wedding reception.
Except, there was no table. And not only was there no cookie table, but none of the guests even knew what I was talking about. (They probably figured I had drunk a few too many of the $4 drinks).
So I tried to explain, "It's a table. With all kinds of cookies. Like, ALLLLLL kinds of really good little cookies. You know, a cookie table."
I was met with blank stares.
But I kept trying, "No? You're all looking at me like I'm crazy. But seriously, maybe it's in the hallway?"
They were looking at me like I'd lost my mind. So I checked the hallway. Twice. Just in case I may have missed the exorbitant spread of deliciousness. But no. No cookie table. And I've been to about nine Wisconsin weddings since then. And sadly, still no cookies.
"But there's cake. That's pretty much the same thing," one of my dates once said.
No. Cake is no comparison to a cookie table. Because you have to wait for the cake. A cookie table is yours for the devouring as soon as you walk through the door. And make no mistake: Ohio does it right. Cookies first, cake later.
So there you have it folks (said in my best sports radio voice), that's a straight unanswered 13 points on the board. And if you really want to get technical, any wedding NOT serving buckeye cookies should be flagged for unnecessary roughness. Sorry Wisconsin, but we're throwing the flag at you.
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