I watched this season of The Bachelorette.
(Go ahead. We can pause for a moment. Groan and roll your eyes if you need to.)
And I know. Some may say it’s a fake show or that it’s impossible for two people to fall in love in that type of way. I’ve thought those same things at times, too. But I still watch it when I can. And this season, in particular, brought up a very interesting real life topic. Something that usually is kept pretty hush, hush at the close of each season of The Bachelor and The Bachelorette: the deal that may or may not get sealed in the Fantasy Suite.
For those of you who have better things to do with your Monday evenings, let me just give you a basic rundown of the bombshell that was dropped on the finale of The Bachelorette last night. If you watched it unfold, you know all of this already. So feel free to skip ahead.
This season starred Andi as she narrowed down her allotment of eligible fellas to two: Josh (who she is now engaged to) and Nick (I guess we could call him: the runner-up). All season long Andi went on solo and group dates with the men and eliminated them when she no longer felt a connection. During those dates, everything is caught on camera and is fair-game for making the final reel of tape which becomes the show we eventually watch on television. EXCEPT for the Fantasy Suite Nights.
Toward the end of the season, when she’d narrowed down her top choices, she had the opportunity to have a sleepover with her remaining suitors. One by one. Alone. Without cameras. Just her and him. In a luxurious, romantic hotel room. Behind closed doors. All. Night. Long.
Without stating the obvious here, I think you can imagine what happens on those nights. I’m willing to bet they aren’t scanning through the HBO free movie selections.
But it’s never really discussed. The next morning, it’s back to the show as normal. No one really knows what went on for sure in the secretive Fantasy Suite.
However, not this season. It was discussed. And it was discussed after Andi selected Josh to be her last man standing. It was discussed by Nick (the runner-up) who asked her why she would make love with him if she wasn’t in love with him. Let’s just say that she didn’t seemed pleased being ambushed with that private question in front of everyone on live television.
Ok, for those of you who skipped ahead….you can join us again.
To me (and we all have different thoughts as to why Nick asked what he asked when he asked it), I think it was a way to throw one little parting jab at Andi for not selecting him. I could be wrong. It's just my opinion. But that’s neither here, nor there.
The point is (I knew we’d get there eventually): just because someone spends the night with you, doesn’t mean they love you.
That’s harsh, I know. But it’s true. And the sooner you realize this, the more you can protect your own heart.
One Fantasy Suite Night doesn’t mean that the next morning the two of you will be making wedding plans. And let’s go beyond the TV show and talk about real life. Just because someone spends the evening with you in whatever your version of a Fantasy Suite would be, doesn’t mean there are Save-the-Date cards in your future. It may not even guarantee another date.
Now, is The Deed something that people who do love each other often share together? Of course. But if you think that just because it happened must mean it’s true love, you’re setting yourself up for heartbreak.
I’ve had these same conversations with friends of mine who can’t understand why their most wonderful night together didn’t lead to a future with diamond rings, mini-vans, and till-death-to-us-part. It’s because while they may be head over heels in love, the other person may simply view it as spending a night in the Fantasy Suite. And in the morning, Mr./Mrs. One-Night-Only returns the room key and moves on with their life.
I’m not saying one person is right or wrong or whatever. You should do what you think is right in your own relationships. But just be aware that The Deed doesn’t necessarily seal The Deal on love.
And there’s absolutely nothing wrong with feeling like that intimacy should be a very special thing. Because it should. And if you feel that way, do all you can to keep it special and save it for a special person.
If Nick (or anyone else) regards that type of activity as something that is saved for people who truly love each other, then save it for someone you love and who you know, beyond a doubt, truly loves you back.
Because unfortunately makin’ love and being in love aren’t necessarily always the same thing. And if you aren’t completely sure where each of you stand, don’t check in to the Fantasy Suite.